Ode to Bhageera

Like a meteor he appeared suddenly and brightened and transformed our lives. Today, a year later, just as suddenly, he disappeared. I am heartbroken to announce that our precious family member Bhageera, left us today after a short illness. No words can describe the pain of our loss.

He’d not been feeling his usual self just before Christmas so we took him to the vets yesterday. The fact that they decided to keep him for tests and scans surprised me a bit but I didn’t make much of it until they called back with the bad news later in the afternoon. Bhageera had cancer which spread rapidly. After much conversaion and still in a state of shock, the vet agreed to our request to take him home for the weekend but warned that Bhageera only had days or even hours left to live. We could feel the life draining out of him as his vital organs started to fail. |Our son Kabir was devastated with my wife Roxana unimaginably hurting. We both thought he would be Kabir's companion till after his university years and mine through old age. That was not going to happen.

We brought him home for the weekend not sure he’d last till Tuesday when we agreed with the vet to have him put to sleep. He spent most of the evening in a daze, crouched by his water bowl as we sat with him as if attending a wake. We tried to make it as easy with pain killers as we could. Kabir, knowing the end was near was understandably inconsolable. To him it’s as if he was losing a brother. Roxana and I, feeling as if we were about to lose a child were just numb with shock at the suddenness of it all. He was a very young cat with sheds loads of personality. Roxana often summed him up as “Get out of the way losers, don’t you know I am here.” He dominated the household with his overwhelming presence. Bhageera always expected a proper place and plate at the dinner table.

He'd been desperate to go out and we tried to stop him. Finally, late last night, I opened the door thinking he may, or may not, come back. Needless to say, sleep was the last thing I got. That's a risk we had to take just for his own desire. Cats are pack animals who don't want to show weakness. Towards the end of their lives they prefer to just find a lonely spot and die. We hoped he'd come back so we could give him a personal send off. I called in vain this morning. Roxana too went to look for him. Finally, as I called from the bedroom window for the last time, I suddenly heard a muffled meow. He was taking shelter from a fierce rain storm under a table in our next door neighbour’s garden and called out as if to say, “I’m here but too weak. Please come and take me home.” Which, after a difficult period of negotiation with our un-cooperative neighbour, is just what we did. After a couple of hours of giving him warmth, food and all the love and affection we could muster, we finally took him on his last journey to the vets. He was euthanised and died peacefully as we stroked and kissed him good bye.

This is a really difficult and painful time for us, his family. His impact has been indescribable. His personality, behaviour and mere presence transformed the dynamics of our family. We are going to go through an awful lot of pain. Our son Kabir, experiencing his first loss, is beside himself with grief.

When people say “my heart is broken” this is how it feels. My stomach has knots, my chest feels like it’s in a straight jacket, I feel no hunger, my face is taut, my forehead throbs and I shiver at the thought of you. Everything, even mere breathing hurts without you Bhageera. You’ll always be a part of our life.